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Life isn’t as it was 6 days ago…
It’s not the same at all.
Little did I know how the death of a loved one would shake up our comfortable, familiar lives and redefine the way I see…everything.
I’ll be honest: I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing right now. Cry, stay in bed, hide. Get dressed, carry on, create.
I’m stuck somewhere in the middle.
My shy, introverted, hurting self is shutting everyone and everything in my life out and off. How long can I go without seeing people?
My goal-driven, ambitious, discipline-craving self is trying to coach the introvert to “GET UP! Get some damn clothes on, girl! And make something of today!”
I’ve had my computer on my lap most of the day today, needing to put words together for a training I must give a group of leaders tonight on branding and leadership. It’s 5:13pm and that document is still blank, my hair is mashed in the back from being pressed into my pillow all day, and my face is still bare and makeup-free. Somehow, I have to get it together because this training is a live video…there’s no hiding behind a conference line for this one or an email. Or even a webinar.
Creativity is funny like that, and I’ve been wrestling with this for days; I’m frustrated because I’ve been stripped of all my creativity, all my success-focused inspiration, all my WORK. Yet there’s this BOUNTY of creativity in the form of grief, emotion, and loss, and I’ve found myself dismissing it as weakness.
I’m not sure this post has a point, except that grief and sadness are real. They’re real and sometimes intense and they have NO PLANS to hurry this along so I can get back to my precious work. It seems grief and sadness may just BE my work, at least for now. I want you to know…this is part of it. This is part of life. It’s part of creativity. It’s part of being an entrepreneur; you can’t be amazing 24/7. Somethings come into your life that you can’t skip over. There’s no fast-forward to the process.
Take a minute. Take a day. I don’t know how long you will take, and I sure don’t know how long I will take. All I know is NOT creating and NOT producing something from this process will choke me more than any death or loss or grief. So we pivot for a while…write about reality. Write about right now. Learn through THIS journey.
Thank you for letting me place this here.